That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
