We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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