Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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