Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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