I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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