Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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