Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
