what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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