I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
