I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize