I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
