is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
are you so shy because you have an std?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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