hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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