I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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