I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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