They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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