paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I look better un-naked...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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