last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
