im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
