You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
