I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
