yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
