God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm just crazy horny about you
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
