Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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