i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
NoShamevember. You game?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
