I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
