the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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