You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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