So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
