i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
