D3 body, D1 cock
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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