I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
