dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
