he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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