You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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