I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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