WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
