Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
do nipples grow back?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
