What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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