it wasn't lemon gatorade
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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