oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
