You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
