She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
