And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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