we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
