I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
