Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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