And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize