you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
