Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
