I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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