every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
