And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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