i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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