I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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