You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
