I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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