My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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