these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
