Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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