just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
