if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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