Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
