if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
