dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
