Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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