Christians are straight up FREAKS
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
