K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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